Have you ever been in a situation at least one time in your life where you just know things are going to end badly?? Have you ever been scared?? Have you ever had to deal with being a teenager?
I am hoping you answered yes to all of these. I feel as if most of these are normal, we are all human and we all have the ability to go through fear. Today I want to write about something that I do not believe in my heart gets spoken about enough. I know the Lord placed this on my heart to try and help you, along with maybe your children, because anyone can be in a situation like this and truly not know what to do. With that being said, I am going to be telling you something that hits very close to home for me, something that has really been on my heart. I fear for the lives of children these days and for my own future children. We live in a such a fallen world, there is so much that continues to go on. How do we even know if we will be safe walking across our street anymore?
When I was in high school, I hung out with a lot of guys, I think I already told this in one of my last posts. Anyways, I also hung out with one of my cousins too, he was not just a cousin he was my best friend, role model and a brother I never had! I looked up to him for everything and went to him for everything. He was always there, and when I was 15/16 one of his friends started to pursue me. I was really into muscle cars, trucks, mudding, hunting, basically, anything a guy or my cousin liked to do for hobbies I was into as well. So… this guy started to come around and hang out with my cousin more. I can remember my cousin and my aunt telling me that I should “give him a chance if I liked him.” I can remember leaving my Aunts house to ride with him in his car. I loved his car, not just loved I was obsessed, but the thing I never knew was so was he. Later on, I would come to find out he would also become obsessive with me as well.
He asked me out on dates, and he was a couple years older than me, although I thought it was awesome. I bragged about it to my friends and went completely against the rules that my parents had set for me. We started seeing each other more, and started dating, we went places together all the time. Then I started to get to know this guy better….. he was a narcissist, he was manipulative, he was aggressive, abusive and always made me feel like it was my fault. He had just graduated high school, lived with his parents( but did not have a job), he relied on his parents for money all the time. He would take me out but always go talk to his mom or dad first. It wasn’t until the second month of dating him that he started to get really mean. Now I want you to stop here if you think this would be too much for you.
I was young, I was naive and I had absolutely no clue what I was getting myself into. To tell you the truth, I don’t even think my cousin or the family even knew what this guy was capable off, or what he was willing to do to keep someone. I had gotten myself into something that I never knew would happen to me, something I was too scared to talk to anyone about. So it is our second month of dating, I can remember I wanted to go home and this guy and I had gotten into our first fight. He immediately got so angry, he started to drive like he was part of Nascar. I started yelling, “telling him to slow down, you’re going to kill us”! I could see the look in his eyes, and he was laughing, told me that “if I wanted to leave him, then he would kill us both.” I did not want to leave him though, I wanted to go home, I had a curfew. I was still in high school, I still had to get up to go to class. He finally took me home, then called me several times that night.
After a while, I started to kind of want to hang out with other people. Now you remember like I said above I had a lot of guy friends, well as soon as this guy found out another guy was talking to me he freaked out! He started showing up at my school every day, just waiting in the parking lot, just to make sure I wasn’t walking or talking to another guy. He started texting my friends and telling them that they need to keep an eye on me because these guys are after me. He wanted to be involved in every single part of my life!! If the school would of let him come in and sit in class with me, I am sure he would have tried it. He even started to come to my work, and wait for me to get out there too!
We hung out in his room a lot, and of course being young and this guy telling me he loves me all the time we started sleeping together… Then he wanted me to try all these new things (this was like fifty shades of grey, but worse) but that wasn’t even out yet. He would choke me, and hold me down and watch me squirm back and forth. There were other things too but I feel like I blocked a lot of these out of my mind, because I cannot remember exactly. I could not show him how I was feeling, how scared I was… how much I just wanted to run away and just get out of there as fast as I could. I had to take the pain, I had to take the hurt because if I didn’t I was completely scared of what he might do.
I was changing, my parents could see it, my friends could see it, but I, however, couldn’t. I disobeyed my parents, I got into fights with my mom and anyone who would try and tell me that I was wrong. As a teenaged girl, telling me I was wrong and that I was not allowed to see someone, made me want to see this person that much more! There was a part of me that wanted to tell my parents, or tell someone but I did not want to be wrong!! So I continued in this relationship. There were days where I thought to myself “I wish I would have said goodbye to people because this is it, I am going to die today.” I walked on eggshells, I let this guy do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted to me. We did everything he liked to do and hung out on his side of town most of the time. Now, don’t get me wrong there were times where I loved being with this guy, he was so amazing at times and we would have a lot of fun… but that is why I said narcissist towards the top…. because he would turn like a flip of a switch and be angry if I flipped it.
For the sake of this post, I am going to cut out some parts.. this all went on for a while that is until my dad and mom decided it was time to get involved. I ran away and started staying with him and his family, then that’s when he told me that “we will just move out of state, and you will never have to deal with them or anyone again, it can be just the two of us forever.” When I responded in a negative way to it, he then threatened my life again. Then little did I know he was leaving messages on my parents answering machine, and my dad knew I needed to get the hell away from him. My dad then threatened and got a lawyer involved, he did everything he could to make sure they knew I was a minor and that I needed to come home.
I knew I needed to go home too, but I was sooooo scared!! I did not want him to kill me and my family and just wipe out everyone I loved, I did not know what he was capable of anymore. I was stuck, completely stuck and way too young to know my options!! I finally went back home and decided the best thing to do is get away, I went on a trip with a family member. I went out of state, and because of that I ignored all of his phone calls, he had no idea where I was. When I got home, I spoke to my parents again and just broke down. I cannot remember all of what happened but I can remember I went with my dad to the courthouse and filled out a form for a restraining order. I can remember shaking, and crying as I filled out everything I had too for the form. I had to write everything he did, my parents had to put the copy of what the cops had on record from the threatening messages he left.
Finally, it was over, I filled out everything and wanted to just move on with life. I couldn’t sleep though, I had nightmare after nightmare. I woke up night after night thinking he was in my room. This was truly the hardest thing I had to go through and is again something I would never ever wish on a young teenaged girl. Now I am not saying that my parents did anything wrong, they loved me so much and only wanted what was best for me. I know that now, but I did not know that then. As a parent, I wish they would of spoke to me about what a domestic abusive relationship can look like. I wish they would have told me the facts, shown me what to do to get out of it. Most importantly, I wish they would have told me that no matter what I would not have gotten in trouble for coming to them about what was going on. Parents please please speak to your kids about this! I am begging you, being in a situation like this is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. They need to know the signs, the problems and most importantly they need to know that no matter what they can always come to you!!!