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Marriage, it is such a beautiful thing, but there is the beauty of marriage and the beast to it! Every day I strive to help put an effort into making my marriage always mean something, after not being in the honeymoon stage anymore and married for going on four years.
See the thing is, if we don’t strive to improve marriage to keep that love alive, that is when Satan sneaks in to steal, seek and destroy that joy you and your husband have. When it can be so easy to lose sight of something and someone that means so much to you. We are forced to trials every single day whether that be a fight between each other, money, adultery, health, etc.. But it is how we deal with them that really matters. Well, I have people that have asked me, “what if we see ourselves with someone only in our mind, are we still cheating?” Well in my opinion of this and what I have learned is Yes! Why? Because our mind is where everything begins, we live in our minds. We use our imaginations in our mind until that is just not enough and then that’s when those imaginations become actions and we ACT on it! Not saying everyone does this, and there are all kinds of opinions on this, but for me, I just don’t like to picture myself with anyone other than the man that I said vows too (My husband)!
Now is it fair to our spouse that we keep thinking about that old friend/old flame or even that new person we just met and have grown close too? When we again made those sacred vows to love each other in sickness and in health? No, its truly not and listen to me when I say this. We are not promised a second here on earth! In Matthew 5:28 it says “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” The Lord lets us know that, so why take the time we have in life to let Satan destroy it?! We could lose that person in a blink of an eye and only be left with the memories. Now sit back and think for a moment. Would you want to be left with only the memory of hurting someone or cheating on your spouse, or most of all knowing that you broke their heart? I didn’t think so! I myself wouldn’t want to be either. This is when we have to sit back and give our brains and our hearts back to God. You know God created our minds so that he could live there right? So he could grasp every single moment with you, so he can be there with you in every single thing we do. Amazing to think about isn’t it!!
Now back to God and minds, the Lord created men and women’s brains so different from one another. This way we can share all those differences with each other. Men like to be quiet and to themselves at times, they aren’t ones to tell you what they are thinking or how to say the right things to a woman if there is an argument. Whereas us women can be the complete opposite we want to talk, we want to be able to get everything out that we can. Sometimes we do this without even taking a breath, (you know its true). Most of the time we don’t want to keep everything bottled up inside at risk of just exploding on that other person. This right here is a uniqueness that God has given all of us. I read a really good book that explains so much more of this in detail and really helped me with my marriage and when I first began my marriage. It helped me to take a step back at times and realize my husband’s brain is completely different than mine.
So how do I try and keep my marriage grounded? Well here are something I do. Not saying that I am an expert in marriage and relationships..because I think everyone learns new things about marriage every day. I have heard that some people that have been married for 20+ years learn new things about each other. With the world changing every day, of course, we change as humans too, and different challenges come to bay in our marriages as well. Anyways here are some steps that I am hoping will help you as well;
My Main Steps
- One of the biggest things that helped me was knowing that my husband and I have brains that were created completely different. I learned a lot of this from reading the book again. “His Brain, Her Brain: How Divinely Designed Differences Can Strengthen Your Marriage. If your engaged, in a new relationship, and married this is an excellent book. I can promise you, that you will learn quite a bit from it.
- Remembering how and why I fell in love with him in the first place! Now, this is just a nice one to go back to all the time. Remembering those special moments and never forgetting them is important. This again is one of my favorite steps, this step takes me back to mine and my husband’s awkward first date… This date was horrible, to say the least, and it started out bad, from when he picked me up but got a little better when he dropped me off. So I think as you read this, of course, you will want me to explain more so here goes nothing…
A Little Story of My First Date
- The date started during a Christmas event that we were having at our house. Ryan came to pick me up in his truck (which was love at first sight by the way). I just loved the color of his truck and that he just was a country boy driving it around without a care in the world. Anyways.. Ryan came to pick me up and when I got in his truck, it smelled like stale smoke (huge turn off for me). He didn’t say anything about it, he just asked me “what I wanted to do?” So we decided on going to see a movie and he was so incredibly shy and so scared. We got out of the movie and we barely even spoke or said one word to each other. We drove around for a couple more hours and he just kept staring at me (now I did not like that at all, this kind of creeped me out). But after he brought me home and we went on our next date that next date turned into another and another, etc.. Well now we are happily married. So even though the first date really wasn’t all that great. This incredible man stole my heart and ran away with it, and truly became the best thing that ever happened to me. Now when we talk about the date we laugh and he tells me how he felt, making the date really not seem so bad. When he stares at me now, it is truly my absolute favorite thing. Now I know looking at those brown eyes, there is protection, love, security, happiness and so much joy. There is so much between us and so much we have been through but his staring and his gaze at me let me know that no matter what we go through everything will be okay. I just need to breathe.
More Steps to follow:
- This one is back to what I said a little bit. I like to read a lot of books. Some of the many books I have read that I believe may help you are;
- The Unveiled Wife: Embracing Intimacy with God and Your Husband: The author of this book is incredible and so genuine about her struggles. Her faith lets you know that it is okay to stumble
- Wife After God: Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband: This book will change your perspective on so much of your marriage! I have read it three times now because it is one of my favorites.
- The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God
- Thirty-One Prayers For My Husband: Seeing God Move in His Heart: This one helped tremendously. This helped me stay calm and let me realize that instead of praying for myself and thinking of myself. I should be praying for my husband too and for our marriage every day.
- Trusting in God and my husband at the same time, but also remember to put God first. Being able to embrace the intimacy between the two of them is such an incredible feeling. Now when people think of intimacy they think of romance, the physical touch/sex. That you have to touch one another in order to be intimate. When really intimacy means so much more than that. This can be a special bond you have with one another. The closeness you feel with that person, the friendship and relationship you have. The affection you have and all overconfidence in the relationship. For me having intimacy with God and my husband leaves me feeling with a space that I feel completely safe in. Like sitting next to a cozy fireplace wrapped up in a blanket in the middle of nowhere. With no one around and just absolute and complete quiet.
- Prayer!! The power of prayer is just that powerful and incredible! Every day I pray a simple or long prayer for my marriage and my relationship with the lord. A movie I have watched that really got me praying more was War Room. This movie just grabs you by the collar of your shirt and sends you to your knees realizing how powerful prayer is but not only that how powerful our God is!
- Living each day as a new day! We only have so much that we get to do here on earth, only so much time together so why waste it? So I like to do small or big gestures (depending on how much energy I have) to let my husband or anyone else know what they mean to me. I like to try to bring a smile to my husbands face. Seeing his smile is my favorite! Whether that be to try and cook him dinner, getting the laundry done, or giving him a back massage. The little things really do matter! Let your husband and others know that they deserve the whole world, but you can’t afford that so you want to help give them what you can and what you do have!
My Final Step
- Finally, realizing that nothing and no one in life is perfect and that I am not always going to get my way. I saved this one for last because this was a hard one for me to deal with. For me, I am stubborn and I am one that used to be “it’s my way or the highway” or the “if the wife ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Don’t get me wrong I am sure there are still some days that I am mean or cranky and don’t like to not get my way but I apologize and rationalize with myself and get over it! I know that it is out of my control, there is nothing I can do, complaining about it will not do anything for me or my marriage. We are all human and we all make mistakes, no one in life is perfect. My husband is an incredibly hard-working man who cares about me, our family and wanting what is best for us. He strives to fit that goal for us every single day. I married my best friend and we have that true intimacy and joy and I know nothing lasts forever but for me, that doesn’t matter because I will continue to bask at the moment I have now!