Here we go again, the intense ringing in my ears, that muffled sound of peoples voices. In a complete brain fog, like my brain is misfiring. I am there having another conversation with someone, but I cant hear them. I see their lips moving, but the sound of their voice is muffled, then suddenly the ringing gets more intense and that’s when a headache starts. I just keep smiling and nodding so they don’t think I am being rude because I am trying not to focus on everything that is happening to me at that very moment. Just hoping they aren’t asking me a question because I have no ideas what they just said. If they couldn’t see me in front of them, they wouldn’t even know that I am there. I got to speak, but the words won’t come out of my mouth. I don’t know how to talk for just a second and I feel like I am not even there. My mind starts wandering off before, I can’t even figure out whats going on. I am scared, confused I have no idea what is happening to me. What can I do to stop this? Then all of a sudden it has gone. I can hear again, and I am able to speak, the conversation’s finally back to normal. But what just happened? I am left feeling utterly confused and very upset with myself and my body. I have no clue what the person who just left was talking to me about. I am in a total fog, the only thing to do now is laying down and start a new day.
Another doctors appointment, another judgment, to another diagnosis, and yet again another “interview” with a doctor. Just waiting for those words “its just stress”, or “have you been tested for depression”. Then my biggest one that just makes me mad whenever I hear it “it’s all in your head, no one can be in that much pain, this is all physiological”. This is just some of the words that I have heard from several doctors. My first time hearing it, it just hurt so very bad, the doctor made me think “I was making everything up, maybe it was all in my head? Maybe I am crazy?” So many doctors I have seen have said this to me without giving me any chance to explain myself and giving me the time of day. I had several doctors that would be just pushing medications on me and told me that there was nothing more than I could do. So I did everything these doctors told me to do, but still, nothing had helped me from this standpoint. As someone who has seen several GI specialists, neurologist, immunologists, several primary care doctors, allergists, electrophysiologists, cardiology, etc.. The list could probably go on for days, but everything a doctor decided that I wasn’t worth their time. Every time I would come out of the appointment crying, and be feeling absolutely worthless. Losing all hope in ever getting the help that we all need and most importantly deserve.
The judgment and being treated that way is no way anyone should ever be treated. Why should doctors be allowed to treat someone like dirt or better yet a number? We are just another number and another statistic to add to their list. If they saw us outside of an appointment, would they even know our names? Better yet would they even know who we are? Now I am not saying all doctors are like this. There are very few doctors that can be found to be caring and know who you are by your face. Ones that keep working at helping you, keep seeing you over and over again. They don’t know you by your medical id number and your diagnosis on your chart. These doctors call you by name, they are those that feel like friends, that makes you feel comfortable. These ones help you to push harder to help yourself get better, to do whatever it takes to get better.
Have any of you had doctors or have stories of a bad experience that have just brought you pure joy or pure sadness? I can’t even count how many times I have been so upset and thought that everything was done. That I would never ever find someone that could help me or that would even be willing to help me. Well for those of you out there that may be feeling this way, I just want you to know don’t lose all hope. There are doctors out there that are truly amazing and trained to be a doctor because they care and because they want to do their job to help you get better!
Living with chronic illness and having that constant brain fog can leave you with forgetfullness. Well, not no more! I have put together a planner with several sheets that will help you get through your day! All FREE just by subscribing to the mailing list below.